On being a gentleman

What is a Gentleman?

Some would have you believe a gentleman is a mythological creature.  A lost part of history that may or may not have ever existed.

Many tend to bring up the term "Chivalrous" as if it answered the entire question.  They especially like to throw this around as it pertains to women.  The code of chivalry I have read contains only one line about women:
To Respect the Honour (if we are going that far back, might as well spell it their way) of Women.

In reality, Chivalry is NOT dead; as so many people like to throw out. Rather, we seem to have forgotten a bit of it along the way.  In an age where Kings ruled and Knights were there for the protection of a realm, it became apparent to someone that the ruling class should have some rules themselves.  The primary idea of Chivalry was that the upper classes must act in a way befitting someone in such a position.  Thus, if one could afford a giant stone house and the people to clean it and guard it, one could afford to treat those unable to do so with a bit more compassion than they treat each other.  A king should always act in the best interest of those he ruled.  A knight, as an extension of this ruler, must also always act in the interest of those being ruled.  They must be honest, trustworthy, and not the kind of person to use another for personal gain.  No one ever starts out this way.  It is a decision to be made by each person.

As the ages of kings died out, the rules governing men of this level were continued on in Gentlemen.  Men of sufficient upbringing to take on the responsibilities of the Ruling class.

So how should a Modern Gentleman Act?

Well, largely the same, really.  The basic tenets of the old code are largely still applicable with only slight modifications.

- To protect the weak and defenseless - seems rather straightforward.
- To provide aid to widows and orphans - no argument there.
- To refrain from the wonton giving of offense -  Wait, trolling is bad?
- To live by honor and for glory - got it: shut up, mean what you say, do the right thing.
- To despise monetary reward - Look, we can disagree all over the place here, but bottom line, do it because it should be done, not because you might get money for it.
- To fight for the welfare of all - Maybe not with fists or swords, but support something.
- To obey those placed in authority - As a thinking person, I can mostly agree with this, If it is wrong, then fight to change it.
- To guard the honor of fellow knights - how about to guard the honor of everyone?
- To eschew unfairness and deceit - don't lie or cheat.
- To see something you started to the end - Okay, I am sure I am not alone in needing to work on this one.
- To respect the honor of women - (modern day; modern spelling) just do it.
- Never refuse a challenge from an equal - unless it is a stupid challenge that goes against any of the above.


One last thing:
If you are dating my daughter, I am the person in Authority, and no, you may not challenge it.  I am NOT your equal.

The front door postulation

What if I told you there was a simple way to help ensure the future happiness of both you and your partner?  What if I told you it would only take a few minutes a day and is as easy as saying two sentences?  The next time your significant other comes home, try these steps:
1. Put down whatever you may be doing.
2. Walk to the door.
3. Hug them (really mean it; don't just go through the motions)
4. Say, "Welcome home, my <insert term of affection>!" (If you are at a loss, try: love, dear, wife, husband, life, etc..  Remember to use a positive term; heinous money sink probably won't produce the desired result.)
5. Ask how their day was.
Now for the hard part:
6. Listen to what they tell you.
7. Determine if they have had a good day.
7a. If they have had a bad day, listen to what made it bad.  Do not act yet.
7b. Once they have told you why they had a bad day, listen more. 
7c. Keep listening until they have really finished.
7d. Now, ask if there is anything you can do to improve their day.
7e. If they give you something to do, do it properly.
8. Repeat this daily.

Now, some notes about the above.  If you are in the middle of something that you can not put down immediately,  welcome them home, let them know where you are and what is keeping you. Once it is safe to do so, put down whatever you were working on, then follow the steps.  Finally, only let it stop you if it would be unsafe to put it down.  If it's the middle of a football game, buy a DVR and pause it. Your significant other will appreciate the attention more than your team.

If you follow these steps, you may just find they are happier and willing to even let you return to things you were doing. They may not even hate sports/nascar/hunting/hairstyling or whatever else it is you want to do.  They just need to know you value them above your hobby or project.

Taming the wild beast

Okay, so we have learned that we must split the work.  We have learned to cook.  We have learned to only give gifts as gifts, not as penance.  All done here, right?  Nope.  Not even close. Now that we have a few basics out of the way, we must dive even deeper into home life. We are about to move into the dreaded realm of handy work.  

Oh the horror!

Yep, it is time to learn a skill. A proper skill that will save money, if not time. Plumbing or basic electrical work are both handy skills. I am not saying you should be able to replace a tub or wire up a whole house.  The ability to repair a leaky toilet, or replace an outlet that has gone bad, can save both time and money.

In my personal experience, most jobs seem like more work than they are. A leaky toilet can be a simple bit of sanding glue and a new part.  A bad outlet is a couple screws (maybe 7).  The cost to have someone do this for you is probably somewhere around $100, and most of that is labor.  The parts for each of these repairs are probably less than $20.  In addition, most hardware stores will be happy to walk you through the repair.  They usually have books on all types of repairs as well. 

Do yourself a favor: get a book, read up.  Get a basic understanding of how it works, then learn to fix it.  The money you save, and the time you don't have to wait for someone to fix it for you, will make you both happy.

Oh, don't screw it up, and don't be stupid.  Electricity is deadly and water is destructive.  Really make sure you understand how to safely work on each.