Team work

This is a subject with which I have significant difficulty.  Having spent a significant number of my younger years avoiding work, I know that I am very good at it.  With that said, my goal with my wife is not to let her do more than she should.  I struggle everytime I hear that she is working because I am worried I have slacked off too much.  Ideally, neither of us would have to do any work.  I keep looking for a way to make that happen but the answer keeps hiding itself and mocking me.  Thus I am forced to conclude that I am going to have a certain amount of work that must be done.

Ok, so how much is mine?
Let us set a total workload of: laundry, dishes, cooking, cleaning, lawn work, and painting.
Okay, well we could divide it up based on a guess of the number of hours required.  We could sort it alphabetically and cut it in half.  We could separate, one inside and one outside.  We could play poker for it... the list goes on.  In reality, as far as I can tell, the actual answer is: all of it.   I am responsible for making sure it all gets done. 

Hold on now!  How is that team work?  You have all the work, what does she have?  Well, she has all the work as well.  You entered into a real relationship where you both share responsibility for everything. If the lawn doesn't get mowed, it isn't her fault any less than it is yours.  If the dishes aren't done, you are just as much at fault as she is.  Yes, you are quite capable of cleaning.

Take responsibility for everything that needs to be done. Truly work at the entire list.  If you both work on the same thing then you have each other to talk to and keep company.  If you work on separate things, that is fine as well.  Just remember,  if you come in from mowing the lawn and she is still working at the sink, pitch in and help.  The beer after will taste so much better with her by your side.

Also, before you leap at my eyes and spleen for typing in traditional gender roles, ket us remember that I am trying to help men be better husbands. The first step in breaking gender roles is for all people to realize they don't have to define you. 

My wife can weed whack better than anyone. 

I'm off to make potatos for dinner.

Application of Linguistic Principles

Oh my!  Cast your gaze upon the overly large words in that title!  English, like so many other languages, is a massive beast.  Most words have at least one other word that can be used in their place with a bit of brute force.  The fact that a word can be understood in a particular position does not mean it is the proper use of the word.  Even song writers are becoming lazy and are setting poor examples.  The first guy to approach me with the question, "Can I have your daughter?" will find himself quite saddened by the response he receives.  I am going to have a daughter shortly, so this seems like a perfect example of poor life choices brought to us by music.

I imagine there are a few people rolling their eyes at this point and calling me names for being fixated on grammar.  It is possible that, even now, they are wildly typing on their phones to their friends about how much they "H8 GRAMer naTZEES."  I am, surely fatally, wounded by this attack on my life choices.  I will now limp away to hide with my personal loathing of idiots who can not be bothered to type complete, and properly spelled, words.  Let us consider the query for a moment.  You would like my acceptance, encouragement, and permission, to request my daughters hand in marriage.  Your care, however, in choosing your words is significantly lacking.  If you are unable to use a word properly, can I really be expected to trust you in taking care of my daughter?  For the people "H8"-ing things: we have developed full qwerty keyboards on our phones now; the cause for you to shorten words has been removed, stop being lazy.  Finally, if you are unable to determine what to capitalize, please remember that a special portion of the Internet was created for you; return to AOL with all haste and never darken my comment section with your filth.

With the continued popularity of Facebook, Twitter, instant messaging, and other similar services, people seem to forget the beauty and inherent variety in the language.  Great artists spent years writing love stories and sonnets.  People carefully crafted stories and wrote them into books for all to enjoy.  Your words are an opportunity to demonstrate your intelligence.  More importantly, the right words have the power to make your lady aware of how much you care for her. 

Do not <3 your lady.  Really go for it all; risk carpal tunnel and type the whole word out.
 
I have never seen anything truly amazing with a title resembling "DUD3-n-GRL!!!1"

The Dark Art

He viewed his prey, laying there, waiting.  He took his time and selected the knife carefully.  It needed to be sharp, it needed to be the right length.  He positioned the victim on the board carefully making sure the grooves would catch anything that ran off the side.  He brought the knife up and down in firm, fluid, strokes.  Slowly and carefully he chopped the onion up into small squares and added it to the pot.  The soup would be delicious...

WAIT!  Don't Go!  It's just cooking!  Yes, my friend, you can do it too!  Cooking is a very important skill for anyone to have.  Without being able to cook, you are doomed to paying a large amount for just about any Italian food worth eating.  However, with a little time, a halfway horrible cook can still produce a decent soup.  A reasonable one can do much more.

Cooking is easy enough.  Take a pan, add food, heat and stir until food is combined and appears to be cooked.  Once you get a few basics down, you can start experimenting and working on foods you like.  In addition, try finding someone who doesn't appreciate a home cooked meal.  My wife likes my food so much that if there is cooking to be done at home, I am usually doing it.  Surprisingly, it is fun once you start.

Try something easy to start with:
-Take 2 slices of bread and butter them on one side each
-Take 3-4 slices of cheese and place them in-between the slices of bread, butter side out
-Heat pan to Medium-High-ish and spray with cooking spray or add a small amount of butter to make pan shiny.
-Place sandwich in pan

-Wait a minute or two then use fork or flat object (or even a spatula if you have one) to flip sandwich over.
-Wait a couple more minutes then remove sandwich to plate.

Congratulations, you have cooked a meal!  Offer it to your significant other, then make yourself another one.

If you find this was well received, try making a soup next.  Soup is easy to make and pretty forgiving when adding flavors and trying something different.

I recommend Italian soups for starters.  Garlic and tomato are pretty familiar to most bachelors and it is easy to tell when you have enough of both in a soup.  Since we are working to end the existence of the bad bachelor (the kind who doesn't want to be one, not the kind that does), small changes will help more than sweeping ones.


One last word of advice: If your wife says "Let's have [insert fast food chain name here] tonight," don't argue.