Not a winner

My family recently went to Disneyland. It was a good trip full of excitement and wonder for all parties. It still amazes me just how much my wife can get into the spirit of the parks and suck me in as well. 
For those of you who haven't been to a Disney park, think of an amusement park, now imagine every employee wants to be your friend and every one of them plays a character in a very happy movie.  Disney cultivates the ultimate customer service experience so it is no wonder that people call it the happiest place on earth.

So, in such a place, you expect to see happy customers and families.  It's a vacation, it should be fun.  I have found an interesting phenomena that occurs in the restrooms there though...  everything falls apart for people there. I have heard men crying because their fiance cheated on them and they just found out.  I have talked to a kid half my age dealing with the second stage of total colectomy surgery and having a rough time of it (trust me, the mental side is rough on that one).  The winning one so far though was when I took my daughter in to the restroom to change her.  A man walked up to me while I was changing her and in a disgusted tone stated, "When I was married, I made my wife do that stuff."  Made. My. Wife...... that stuff...  Let me take a wild guess why you aren't married anymore.  It is your child, too, you know...  I may not be in the majority, but I take pride in helping care for my daughter. I also take pride in my wife not being my slave. I don't make my wife do anything. She does a lot already. 

I can't believe they just said that

Honestly?!  I bust my ass all day and all I get when I get home is, "Would you take out the trash?"  What the hell do I look like?

Well...  You look like part of a relationship, and without stopping to look at what they have done or may be doing, you have jumped to a poor conclusion.

Oh yeah?  Well, just what did they do all day? 

Why don't you ask them?  I mean after you take out the trash.  Yes, I said after. Look at it this way, if they have done a lot of stuff, you won't look like as much of an ass when you ask about it, if the trash is done.  If they haven't done anything, you have an example of something that makes you feel overburdened that you can both work on.  Either way, the trash is done, there is no point to fight or get angry on, and you have probably calmed down enough not to give a snap reply. 

This last point is important.  Snap replies are where people get hurt and men are extremely good at them because we don't tend to assign as much meaning to words as women do. 

An example:
You tell your child to clean their room; they reply with "I hate you!"  Well goody.  That's nice.  Clean your room.  You know that they are using the word hate without meaning the full impact of it.  What about "I loathe you!"  Hold on now little Timmy.  What happened that you would put such effort into that? 

Yes, I did compare men to children. To be fair, in some aspects, we are like children. We talk without thinking, we are quick to react, and we tend to get a bit upset when we lose.  Just remember that women tend to be better at it.  They can hold grudges better than any lifeform on earth.  This means that you will lose early and often. Whatever you do, make sure you are willing to risk the grudge before you earn it. 

Yes, there are going to be times when you need to stand and say something about whatever is going on. Yes, it will be hard.  Yes, you will agonize over the outcome (even if you somehow win).  Just make sure the cause is a good one and don't let it become a fight.

If you find yourself reaching that edge where you are angry and want to say something, step out of the room.  Talk it over with yourself. Better yet, roleplay both sides and see how that argument goes. Yell if you need to, just dont let them hear it.  Once you have found a way to argue it without yelling or taking cheap shots, decide if it is still worth it.

Only then should you attempt to talk it over with your significant other.  Remember, they are your partner, not your enemy.  It is possible that, just maybe, they aren't actually attacking you.

Choosing flowers

Okay, so you want to buy some flowers.  To get the right kind, it is important to start with why you are buying flowers. 

If you are buying flowers as an apology for something, put the flowers back, then go apologize for what you have done. Flowers will not buy forgiveness. Flowers will not fix something. The only thing you will do by buying flowers in this case is to cause her to think you did something the next time you buy her flowers.

The correct reason to buy her flowers, is because she deserves them or because you want her to have them.

Now, how should you choose flowers?  Start by identifying the price range you want to use.  Locate the flowers within the correct range and begin by looking for wilted leaves and petals. You should also look for frost or odd light patches on the leaves or petals; frost damage will cause the leaves or petals to brown early. You will want as few of these as possible. Once you have located a good batch, use a bouquet bag to hold it.

After purchasing the flowers, use a plastic bag to cover them if the weather is below freezing outside.

As for color and type, use what you know of her to make her happy. If you have no idea, red is safe. Try to get a batch with some greens mixed in if you use a solid color. This will add some contrast and make it a bit larger.

Later on, I recommend finding a good florist in your area. The flowers will be of higher quality and will last longer. As a bonus, once they see you enough, they can help with recommendations and ideas for surprises.