Limits

Why does your SO feel it necessary to clean when you don't?  They have a lower threshold for a mess than you do.  A simple way to think about this is the kitchen sink.  Some people can not deal with any dishes in the sink.  Other people can deal with dishes piled 3 feet high in the sink.  Some people don't care as long as the Glade Spray can cover the smell...  If your SO has no problem with 4 plates in the sink, but when you add a fifth they demand the dishes be done, they have a 4 dish threshold.  To deal with this, you could simply wash a dish every time you hit 4 dishes and then you wont exceed the threshold, or you could do them all when you hit 5 (the trick being to start cleaning before they have  a chance to say anything).

You need to be aware of your own thresholds as well.  If you know that you can only deal with 2 dishes in the sink, while they can deal with 4, they aren't putting 4 dishes in the sink to spite you; they do it because until they hit 5 dishes, they don't think about it.  If it really bothers you that much, clean the dishes so that the antagonist is gone, then when you are calm - and preferably when they are getting ready to put more dishes in the sink - talk with them about how the excess dishes make you feel.  It may seem stupid, but really it is just a conversation.  If you feel too stupid to bring it up, maybe that is a sign to re-evaluate your own thresholds and decide if they need to be adjusted.  Either way, don't expect change overnight.

Thresholds exist for all people in all things.  If you are really into sports, your threshold for watching or playing them is probably high, several hours or more.  If you are in a hospital, your tolerance for the channel that only displays relaxing pictures and ads for hospital sandwiches, which you are not allowed to have, is likely to be low - 5 minutes or less.  Motivation can adjust this threshold to some extent.  If you know the doctor won't let you go home until your blood pressure drops, and the big game is coming up in a day or two, you might watch that Lies of Sandwich channel so that you can watch the big game later.

I, personally, have a chin-up threshold of 0.  If I have to do more than 0 chin-ups, I am going to need a lot of motivation.