The beginning of the end

As with anything, we must always start with a beginning.  Since I am newly (7 months) married and will be a father in about 4 months, I seem to have a lot of new beginnings suddenly.  Since this started off with a discussion of how I am making my wife's coworkers jealous, I will start with the proper treatment of a lady...  I am sure this will take a while. I also know that I will eventually get to saying that making your lady pay for the first date at anything with a jingle is a whole mess of wrong; this will anger some people.  As a man, I like things simple.  Thus we arrive at our beginning:
Buy a scalp massager.  It looks like a whisk with one end cut off, and it will make your significant other feel incredibly relaxed.  Buy it and use it well...