Smart life choices

Every day comes with a certain amount of freedom and a certain amount of required things.  People have a tendency to try to determine what is a priority based on the people around them. To put things simply, though, you really can't make that work until you surround yourself with people who have goals and ambitions that work with your own.  So, in a very iterative process, we slowly work towards finding our own goals. We find friends based on our current goals, evaluate our goals, make friends who line up with these goals, then refine our goals further.

Marriage brings a new light and weight to this whole process. Where you once only had to worry about your own goals and choices, now you have another person who relies on you to make proper choices and work with them to create a happy relationship. If this feels like it is not always easy, then I have good news for you!  It is not always going to be easy.

A proper relationship, like anything else worth having, is going to be something you always work at. You don't get to take a break. You don't get to give up. You don't get to just do whatever you want. If you are thinking that it sounds like a horrible thing, you are wrong.

To be fair, it isn't your fault.  We spend so much time listening to people talk about marriage being all about compromise and servitude.  I don't see why it has to be either one. If you make one priority for yourself, make it this: learn to make your significant other happy within your means, then take pleasure in their happiness. 

Now, let us be clear: this is not a free pass for them to be obsessed with what you can get them. When we are talking about doing things within your means, I intend that you will be doing more and buying less. Open a door, drive her somewhere so she doesn't have to, go with her to her favorite store, clean that hallway that is bugging her, make breakfast once in a while (bonus point for delivery to the bed).  The idea is not to just buy things, but to make an honest effort to understand what will make their day a little brighter and then do it. Behavior like this tends to make the other person want to do the same and your significant other will likely take an interest in what makes you happy and try to make that happen as well. Once you reach this point, the prioritization of things becomes second nature. Compromise is no longer something you are doing, you are simply working to make both of you happy. You will soon find yourself moving trips to her store or spa up the list not because you feel it is required, but because it makes you both happy. Servitude, in the sense that you are doing things for them that you don't want to do, goes away as well.  You aren't doing things because you have to, you do them so they don't have to.

Make your marriage or relationship a priority for your life.  You may just find it to be the happiest thing you ever do.

One last note: reciprocity is important.  You should both consider this post.