Things they don't tell you

Finally coming into the last few days of our pregnancy.  (Yes, ours.  We are both in this together, right?)  Now to take a moment and look back at this adventure.  So many things run through your mind when you hear the first news.  So many of your friends will give you information on what to expect.  Oddly, so will a lot of strangers.  A large amount of this is rediculous. I don't care what your magical fairy waffle cone tells you, you won't be having a unicorn (or a raptor... sad). 

So what can I expect? 

Well, expect a lot of money to disappear.  Seriously, you won't know where it is coming from or even that it could be spent but it will leave you faster than a snow cone from satan. 

Expect time to disappear.
Before you know it, you will be in child care classes, CPR classes, new daddy classes, and how to pack for the hospital classes. At least the last one is usually taught by your wife, so the instructor is pretty good looking.

Expect junk food to disappear.
Somewhere along the line you realize your parents weren't as evil as you always said and they weren't keeping you from junk food out of spite.  There seems to be some wierd switch in our brains that flips to healthier.  Not healthy, just healthier.  Instead of a cabinet full of cookies and good and plenty, I have only a small shelf...

Expect your belt to disappear.
Your stomach will one day look at it and go, "That is a strip of cow.  I like cow."  You will never see it again.

Augh!  This is horrible!  Why would we do this? 

Well, simply put, you do it because you are biologically programmed to. 

That doesn't mean it is as bad as it sounds though. 

You never noticed the money in the first place, and some of it came from friends and family, so that's not so bad. 

The classes are actually informative and helpful. In addition, they can help you communicate with your wife.  There are some great researchers out there... look up master Vs disaster couples and learn about how to properly argue.  It may save your life.

You probably shouldn't eat so much junk food. But if you must, look at it this way; you know it is fresh now. 

As for your belt...  it was a good belt.

Something to consider though, I am a week away from our due date. The hardest part of it all has been seeing my wife deal with the discomfort of an ornery child trying to pluck her tendons like guitar strings. Waiting for baby to arrive is a close second. As much as I used to want to avoid children, I am really looking forward to my own.