What to pack for the hospital

Having just arrived home from the hospital as a new father, let me share a few things you will need and what can be left at home.

Take a Kindle or book. You want something you can instantly put down and pick up as needed. If your wife is into a book, take that too.  I spent a good deal of time, both before and after the birth, reading to my wife. An added bonus here is that it instantly cements you in as the storyteller. This can help with gatekeeper syndrome.

Take liquids.  Soda, juice, water, anything. Plan on enough to last for 3 days. You can get tap water at the hospital but anything else is on you and may be at a premium if you buy it there.

Take cash or food. A large number of hospitals are starting to let guests order room service as well. However, while your wife's food is covered, yours is not; they only take cash at your room.  Plan for 15 dollars per meal and at least 2 meals a day. If you don't spend it, bonus.  If you bring food, bring a variety so you don't have tuna salad 5 meals in a row.  Most waiting rooms here have microwaves. Almost like they have the expectation that people could be here a while...

1 outfit for a newborn.  0-3 months is not newborn.  Trust me.  My daughter looked hilarious in the outfit we took.  I know it says 0 months, but trust me, this is different.

Burp cloths, receiving blankets, gloves.  They won't let you take theirs and you will want them 5 minutes into the drive home.
Note: baby nails get sharp quick.

Speaking of the drive home, clean the back seat.  You are riding back alone in the front. Mama will be next to baby.

Clothes for you and mama.  Take things that are comfortable and stretchy. Think pajama pants or sweats. Yoga pants work too. For you: whatever you don't mind wandering the food court and halls in as long as you can sleep in it.

Boppie. Do it. Now. Babies are heavy. 7 pounds never felt like this. You will also want to hold your baby, and you will want this fantastic armrest.

For labor: LED candles, aroma therapy oils, music, and anything else that makes her relaxed.

ALL YOUR MEDICATIONS.  I don't care if you haven't had an asthma attack in 3 years. Pack the inhaler. Stress will set off every thing you have.

Phone charger. Camera. Something easy to do together while she feeds baby.   In my case I read more. Whatever you can do to feel connected to her while she is feeding will be appreciated.

Donuts. Two dozen. Give them to the nurses station on your way in. They are going to be answering every little worry you have. They deserve it.

Last but not least:  earplugs.  Your wife is going to likely have a needle put in her spine. You know you can handle it. Just jam in your earplugs and don't listen to the doctor describing what he is doing. Otherwise, be prepared to meet the floor. It's nice and cool and full of laughter, or maybe that was the other people in the room. If you feel like you are having problems, let your nurses know. Apparently, while I knew what was happening and let them know - allowing me to get safely to the floor - some people try to fight it and don't say anything until they pass out. Then they hit their head and get a free trip to the ER where they miss out on the birth of their child.  

When it is all over, make sure you brought your emotional stamina. Your wife is about to take a wild roller-coaster of emotional fun and will need your support.

My deepest thanks to the folks at Good Samaritan hospital in Broomfield, CO.  You were all amazing.

Things they don't tell you

Finally coming into the last few days of our pregnancy.  (Yes, ours.  We are both in this together, right?)  Now to take a moment and look back at this adventure.  So many things run through your mind when you hear the first news.  So many of your friends will give you information on what to expect.  Oddly, so will a lot of strangers.  A large amount of this is rediculous. I don't care what your magical fairy waffle cone tells you, you won't be having a unicorn (or a raptor... sad). 

So what can I expect? 

Well, expect a lot of money to disappear.  Seriously, you won't know where it is coming from or even that it could be spent but it will leave you faster than a snow cone from satan. 

Expect time to disappear.
Before you know it, you will be in child care classes, CPR classes, new daddy classes, and how to pack for the hospital classes. At least the last one is usually taught by your wife, so the instructor is pretty good looking.

Expect junk food to disappear.
Somewhere along the line you realize your parents weren't as evil as you always said and they weren't keeping you from junk food out of spite.  There seems to be some wierd switch in our brains that flips to healthier.  Not healthy, just healthier.  Instead of a cabinet full of cookies and good and plenty, I have only a small shelf...

Expect your belt to disappear.
Your stomach will one day look at it and go, "That is a strip of cow.  I like cow."  You will never see it again.

Augh!  This is horrible!  Why would we do this? 

Well, simply put, you do it because you are biologically programmed to. 

That doesn't mean it is as bad as it sounds though. 

You never noticed the money in the first place, and some of it came from friends and family, so that's not so bad. 

The classes are actually informative and helpful. In addition, they can help you communicate with your wife.  There are some great researchers out there... look up master Vs disaster couples and learn about how to properly argue.  It may save your life.

You probably shouldn't eat so much junk food. But if you must, look at it this way; you know it is fresh now. 

As for your belt...  it was a good belt.

Something to consider though, I am a week away from our due date. The hardest part of it all has been seeing my wife deal with the discomfort of an ornery child trying to pluck her tendons like guitar strings. Waiting for baby to arrive is a close second. As much as I used to want to avoid children, I am really looking forward to my own.

Smart life choices

Every day comes with a certain amount of freedom and a certain amount of required things.  People have a tendency to try to determine what is a priority based on the people around them. To put things simply, though, you really can't make that work until you surround yourself with people who have goals and ambitions that work with your own.  So, in a very iterative process, we slowly work towards finding our own goals. We find friends based on our current goals, evaluate our goals, make friends who line up with these goals, then refine our goals further.

Marriage brings a new light and weight to this whole process. Where you once only had to worry about your own goals and choices, now you have another person who relies on you to make proper choices and work with them to create a happy relationship. If this feels like it is not always easy, then I have good news for you!  It is not always going to be easy.

A proper relationship, like anything else worth having, is going to be something you always work at. You don't get to take a break. You don't get to give up. You don't get to just do whatever you want. If you are thinking that it sounds like a horrible thing, you are wrong.

To be fair, it isn't your fault.  We spend so much time listening to people talk about marriage being all about compromise and servitude.  I don't see why it has to be either one. If you make one priority for yourself, make it this: learn to make your significant other happy within your means, then take pleasure in their happiness. 

Now, let us be clear: this is not a free pass for them to be obsessed with what you can get them. When we are talking about doing things within your means, I intend that you will be doing more and buying less. Open a door, drive her somewhere so she doesn't have to, go with her to her favorite store, clean that hallway that is bugging her, make breakfast once in a while (bonus point for delivery to the bed).  The idea is not to just buy things, but to make an honest effort to understand what will make their day a little brighter and then do it. Behavior like this tends to make the other person want to do the same and your significant other will likely take an interest in what makes you happy and try to make that happen as well. Once you reach this point, the prioritization of things becomes second nature. Compromise is no longer something you are doing, you are simply working to make both of you happy. You will soon find yourself moving trips to her store or spa up the list not because you feel it is required, but because it makes you both happy. Servitude, in the sense that you are doing things for them that you don't want to do, goes away as well.  You aren't doing things because you have to, you do them so they don't have to.

Make your marriage or relationship a priority for your life.  You may just find it to be the happiest thing you ever do.

One last note: reciprocity is important.  You should both consider this post.